I had a good time last night. It's so nice to be around adults without fear of there being children present. I'm constantly censoring and suppressing myself to the point where I can't breath sometimes. I'm quite sure I come off as immature at the meetings, but it's one of the few times I can act like a total retard without feeling like I'm setting a bad example.

Oh, it'll happen to you, childless wonders that occasionally haunt these pages.

You want some more parenting advice? No, of course not. Who wants that, right?

How about a subtle warning?

You know how you like being yourself? Hanging out at home, going out with your friends and being you wherever and whenever you damn well feel like it, right?

Maybe you're sarcastic to the level you start to consider it an art form. You make gay jokes. Sex jokes. Gay-sex jokes. You swear and sometimes don't give a flying fuck who hears you.

You're hanging around with other, mostly like-minded people. They know you well enough. You feel comfortable, and you let your guard down and parts of who really are begin to seep out.

It's a good place. It's a fun place.

Well, once you have kids that are old enough to start to comprehend your lame gay-sex jokes, you don't get to do that anymore. You don't get to go out or sit at home and make them either. (You don't get to have random, wild sex in every room of your house, but if you needed me to tell you that, you might have bigger problems.)

Instead, you'll start to worry about how what you say gets interpreted. That you don't really think badly of anyone when you make off-color remarks; that you're carefully crafted sarcasm is meant to be witty and not a straight-forward slashing remark designed to hurt someone else.

You'll also start to spend a great deal of energy keeping track of where your kids are at any given time. You'll develop an internal radar that gauges how far away one of them is, and what you can get away with when something acerbic comes to the tip of your tongue. Then, you'll start to appreciate that they have a sharper hearing than you.

Slowly that will give way to outright self-censorship and suppression of your natural instincts.

And don't give me any of that shit about my kids will be different; I will continue to be myself. Go ahead and try. You'll be a freakin' menace.

You'll look into their eyes and think, for the love of God, I can't let him/her down. I have to set an example, less they turn into axe-wielding maniacs that get you splashed all over FOX News while wearing your underwear.

Maybe calling a friend a fag as a joke doesn't look right. Maybe saying, "Don't be a retard," to your spouse has some hidden message that you don't immediately realize.

You'll see it the first few times you let it slip. They'll walk around are repeat you. Kids are parrots, they learn by imitation and everything comes back to you. Usually at the worst, most embarrassing times, in front of minister, policeman or your parents.

Sorry, I kind of got off on a tangent there. I started this by talking about what good time I had last night at the meeting. I never seem to be around just adults (work, not withstanding). Now that I think about it, NELUG is the only place I'm ever at where there are no kids. Thank God for the 18+ rule. It's no wonder I'm a complete retard at meetings. Ironically, it's the only place I can act like child.